How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
