Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
