Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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