quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
