Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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