Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
