the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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