home. puking in laundry basket.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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