If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
