I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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