I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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