I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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