If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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