I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
