oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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