i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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