Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
now i know why i became what i already was.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
