I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
