i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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