So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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