god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
