I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
