I'm really into asian looking animals
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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