Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize