I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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