you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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