You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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