i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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