I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
