dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
