Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
