overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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