my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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