He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
