Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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