3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........