Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
