I smell stomach acid.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.