I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!