Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.