you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize