Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
