just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
