The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
