my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
