Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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