i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
