Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
