Do you still have your period?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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