the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
