You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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