My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I could fuck to npr.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize