Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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