How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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