I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
