you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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