well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
