Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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