I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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