Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
