so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
