I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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