he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
