Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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