Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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