i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
