Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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