Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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