Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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